Beware juvenile terrorists wielding assault pastries

If you have a child in school, you have my deepest sympathy. I don’t know how you survive the anxiety over the dangers your child faces on a daily basis.

I’m not talking about school shootings. Mass shootings at schools are so rare that your child is more likely to be struck by lightning while playing outdoors than to be shot at school. Children are many times more likely to be killed in traffic accidents while commuting to and from school than they are to become gunshot victims while at school.

What ought to worry parents of school-aged children is the mind-boggling volume of sheer idiocy displayed by so many of the adults who have been vouchsafed the task of educating the next generation. A few recent examples:

A second grader at Larkmoor Elementary School in Lorain, Ohio was suspended after he brought two toy guns to school. According to the report, “The weapons were found in the student’s book bag.” Weapons, mind you. Not toys. Weapons.

A five year old in Hyannis, Massachusetts was threatened with suspension for “using daycare toys inappropriately” after he made a gun out of Legos and “simulated the sound of gunfire.”

A kindergartener in Mount Carmel, Pennsylvania received a ten-day suspension (later shortened to two days) because she told her friend she was going to shoot her with her pink Hello Kitty Bubble Gun. The perp was forced to undergo a psychological evaluation to determine whether or not she was dangerous before she was allowed to rejoin her class.

Two first graders in Trappe, Maryland were suspended for playing cops and robbers during recess. The boys were making imaginary guns with their fingers, and some busybody saw them and ratted them out to the authorities.

A six year old in Silver Spring, Maryland was suspended for making a gun of his thumb and forefinger, pointing at another student, and saying “pow.”

In Tan Valley, Arizona, a high school freshman got a three-day suspension for having a picture of a gun as the desktop background on his computer.

In Philadelphia, a fifth grader was humiliated in front of her classmates for having brought a paper “gun” to school. I put “gun” in quotes because the item in question was just a rectangular sheet of white paper that had a square torn out of one corner, and it takes a prodigious imagination to look at something like that and see a gun. Melody Valentin had the piece of paper in her pocket, and when she went to throw it away, a classmate saw it and snitched on her. The teacher searched Melody (for what? paper bullets?) in the presence of her classmates, and berated her for having brought a “gun” to school.

An eight year old in Prince William County, Virginia was suspended after a friend pretended to shoot him with an imaginary bow and arrow, and the boy responded by pretending to shoot the friend with an imaginary gun. (The little boy with the imaginary bow and arrow was apparently not disciplined.)

In what might be the most ludicrous instance yet of overreaction on the part of the so-called adults who run our public schools, second grader Joshua Welch in Baltimore, Maryland was suspended for biting a Pop-Tart into the shape of a gun and saying “bang bang.” Not content with merely suspending the youthful terrorist, the authorities also sent a letter home to all parents whose children attend the school, informing them that “one of our students used food to make inappropriate gestures that disrupted the class,” and although “no physical threats were made and no one was harmed, the student had to be removed from the classroom.” The letter further urged parents to help their children “share their feelings” about the incident, and also advised them that the school counselor was available to help children who had been traumatized by the incident.

If I had a child in that school, which (thank heaven) I do not, I would tell him or her to go the counselor and claim to have been traumatized by the utter stupidity of the grownups running my school.

Some observers of this zero-tolerance policy for gun-like objects have suggested that perhaps authorities will want to ban the state of Florida, since it appears to be shaped somewhat like a gun:

Of course, so does the state of Idaho, if you rotate it 90 degrees to the right, so they’d better ban it as well:

Some folks say enough already with the handguns, kids — if you’re going to get suspended anyway, you might just as well go for broke:

Rich Terrell at AfterMath envisions the day foretold by the prophet Isaiah (chapter 2, verse 4):

But there is a faint glimmer of light amidst the darkness: A Maryland state senator has introduced legislation to protect children’s right to keep and bear Pop-Tarts (and Hello Kitty Bubble Guns). The Reasonable School Discipline Act would restrict the disciplinary options available to Maryland public school officials for dealing with a student found to be in possession of a picture of a gun, or of an object that might resemble a gun. Children could once again form their fingers into the shape of a gun without fear of reprisal. The bill would also mandate counseling for school officials who fail to distinguish between actual guns and things that merely look like guns. Officials who repeatedly fail to make such a distinction would face disciplinary action.

Common sense in government? And in Maryland? Wonders never cease.

For further enlightenment:

The Littlest Perps, by Rich Lowry

Pop Tart Terrorist, by George Will

More Insane Political Correctness and Absurd Anti-Gun Nonsense, by Dan Mitchell

Mark Steyn Declares America Doomed in Wake of Pop-Tart Gun Suspension (audio)

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This entry was posted in Education, Family, Firearms, Humor, Politics. Bookmark the permalink.

22 Responses to Beware juvenile terrorists wielding assault pastries

  1. Knight4GFC says:

    These adults that cannot distinguish child’s play from acts of terrorism and pop tarts from AK 47’s, are mentally unstable. Thus they become a psychological danger to the health of the children. They belong in an institution as they are a danger to society. If I had to endure this type of terror for a prolonged period of time, I myself would develope depression, and possibly PTSD. Insane. These people are ignoramuses. Zero common sense. Hopeless. Mindless Zombies.

  2. Aussie says:

    I have a true story and I was a witness to the event. Many years ago I had just arrived at work, stopped to purchase a cappucino from a shop in the building and then proceeded to the lift to take me to the first floor. In that short space of time a man, who must have been travelling behind us (my husband dropped me at work), had plouged into a shop on the opposite side of the road. This was in Canberra and there is a very wide strip of land in the middle of the road. When I arrived a man was mowing the grass. The man had to veer a long way to plough into the shop.

    The vehicle had on board 2 gas cylinders. After ploughing into the shop, the man discovered that his wife was on leave that day, so he opened the valve of the gas cylinders and fired a shot into the air. This caused an explosion and a fire.

    Prior to this event the man had shot the manager of the Dickson pool in the leg. A policeman had followed the man’s car along Northbourne Ave and was immediately on the scene of the fire so he had immediately called for back-up (including the SWAT team – more about that later)and the fire brigade.

    As I waited for the lift a man had come running in and alerted me as to what had happened, and so I rushed to the window of my office area and had a look. What I saw was a fire truck, a fire in the builiding opposite and the firemen standing behind the truck because shots had been fired. At the same time the policeman had gotten out of his vehicle and with gun drawn he was running from pillar to pillar. The whole scene was surreal. I did move for a short time to the 6th floor and then back again to the first floor. There was no real danger to us in the building.

    In the meantime, the police were blocking the people who were arriving for work about a block away from the incident (I could see that from my window). They had to rescue the people who were staffing the radio station because the radio station was on the first floor of the building. They used ladders to bring them out of the building. The SWAT team turned up and just stood around. They gathered just outside of the building where I was located. They did absolutely nothing.

    Inside the building the rest of the story was unfolding. No one was injured when confronted by the man. He did not hurt one other single person. When he confronted a child he fired a shot into the air. Then he shot himself. By 8.00 am he had killed himself. The fire brigade were able to put out the fire.

    Did you note the most important elements in this story? It was not that he had a gun, and it was not that he turned on the gas cylinders and caused an explosion and fire. The most important element happened to be that he was looking for his soon to be ex-wife because she was having an affair with another man. The man had not psychologically accepted the situation and as a result he tipped over the edge.

    The reason for telling this story is simple: more needs to be done about mental health, especially the mental health of men who are in the midst of breakdown. They are never offered any kind of help.

    These teachers and their zero tolerance need to stop all of that making smells and sniffing it because their brains are being affected by such rubbish. Little children need to be allowed to play cowboys and Indians. They need to be able to play cops and robbers. They need to be able to have fun with bubble guns. They also need to be allowed to play act out any of the traumas that they have witnessed. All of these “teachers” are unfit for their role as teachers if they think that somehow a pop tart is an offensive weapon.

    Let children be children and then there is less danger as they grow up to be teenagers and adults. Do not coddle them. Let them play the games that we played at home and school. For pity’s sake a piece of paper with a drawing of a gun is not an offensive weapon. They need to worry more about the man with a knife of machete who loves to cut off hands and heads.

  3. I remember hearing a story once about a woman who decided to not allow her son to have any toy guns because she was against violence and didn’t want him to learn violence by playing with guns. She learned that it didn’t matter what toys she bought him the day she saw the toddler pick up a stick and begin to making shooting noises as he played with the dog. At that point she realized that a lot of what she tried to not teach her son was part of what makes men men.

  4. Coyote says:

    my God….you people are old.

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