Obama Threatens Putin on Snowden; Putin Responds by Releasing NSA Secrets from Snowden’s Laptop

Middle Finger News Service
Moscow Correspondent

Angry-Obama-Evil-ObamaAlexander Putinin a further attempt to embarrass the child emperor on safari, has now made public some of the NSA records taken from Edward Snowden’s hard drive which trace communications from within the White House. Here is some examples released:

Phone Record
September 11, 2012
From: Pentagon, Office of the Secretary of Defense
To: Oval Office

Content: Secretary of Defense Leon Panetta phones President Barack Obama to inform him of attack on U.S. facility in Benghazi. POTUS indicates concern and asks to remain updated. SecDef is forced to repeat several key details and notes that POTUS seems distracted. POTUS responds that he is constructing fantasy basketball team and asks SecDef if he wants in. SecDef politely declines and pledges to continue delivering updates. POTUS lets him know there’s a good chance those updates will go to voice mail.

Phone Record
October 16, 2012
From: Office of the Vice President
To: WMZQ-FM 98.7, Washington D.C.

Content: Vice President Joseph Biden places 17 consecutive phone calls to Washington D.C. country music station WMZQ attempting to be the 98th caller and win Taylor Swift concert tickets. Line surveillance reveals increasingly heated profanity with every failed attempt.

Internet Record
November 1, 2012

From: President’s Private Quarters
Content: Laptop computer in White House residence enters Google search: “mechanisms to cope with your Secretary of State’s husband.” No results found.

Phone Record
January 22, 2013
From: Oval Office
To: Department of Justice, Office of the Attorney General

Content: POTUS places call to Attorney General Eric Holder. POTUS leads conversation on DOJ prosecutorial priorities for the year. AG Holder interrupts conversation to inform POTUS that Fox News reporter James Rosen has just purchased “Game of Thrones” DVD on Amazon.

Phone Record
April 18, 2013
From: Executive Office of the President, White House Counsel’s Office
To: Oval Office

Content: White House Counsel Kathryn Ruemmler phones POTUS to inform him of news that the Internal Revenue service is inappropriately harassing conservative non-profit organizations. Upon hearing the news, POTUS immediately adopts a heavy accent, claims not to speak English, and slams down the phone

Internet Record
April 20, 2013
From: Office of the Vice President

Content: Desktop computer from Vice President’s personal office visits Ask Jeeves, enters query: “Does the Constitution give the President authority to set the Vice President’s bedtime?” Query is blocked by internal filter, which displays message, “Joe, get your pajamas on.”

Phone Record
May 3, 2013
From: Executive Office of the President, National Economic Council
To: Oval Office

Content: Gene Sperling, Director of the National Economic Council, calls the president for regular update on future economic projections. POTUS inquires as to prospects for future growth. Sperling hesitates and fails to give definitive answer. POTUS presses further. Sperling responds that, based on his economic calculations, only the First Lady’s gardening habit will ensure that the First Family has enough calories to outrun packs of wolves that will overtake Washington D.C. within the next three years.

Continue reading at Diogenes Middle Finger.

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About GruntOfMonteCristo

Fearless and Devout Catholic Christian First, Loving Husband and Father Second, Pissed-Off Patriot Third, Rocket Engineer Dork Last.
This entry was posted in Obamanana Republic, Politics. Bookmark the permalink.

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