Ann Barnhardt Goes Beyond Mere Odium Contra Papam; Now says even Jesus Christ, Son of God, “Basically Not That Bright”

JesusFacepalm2Gruntington Post [Parody] – Former commodities broker and outspoken internet/radio firebrand Ann Barnhardt is no stranger to controversy.  She gained notoriety a few years ago for posting a YouTube video critical of U.S. Senator Lindsey Graham in which she burned a Koran after reading passages bookmarked with bacon.  Since then, her harsh criticism of Islam, politicians, Protestants, non-traditional Catholics, self-loathing Jews, foreigners of all kinds (especially French aircraft manufacturers and anyone from South America), clergy of all stripes (especially Jesuits and the current Pope), bankers, lawyers, non-domestic car salesmen, people who don’t wear ties, pushy women, gays, non-gay but low-testosterone men, a mysterious group of criminals called Novus Ordo-enablers (possibly some flavor of illuminati), dogs, cats, prairie dogs, nice people and all the idiots who send her email has earned her quite a few admirers and a few detractors.

6-16-023A devout and committed traditional Catholic, Miss Barnhardt has raised eyebrows most recently with her scathing criticism of Pope Francis, who is widely admired by Catholics and non-Catholics alike, calling him ignorant and stupid.  Also a theological and rhetorical idiot.  But that pales in comparison to provocative comments she made today in a masterful blog essay in which she laid out her rhetorical framework that proved that the Almighty was never really that smart, and his dimwitted Son, Jesus, may have been too thick to accomplish the one job he was given in his 33 years on Earth – that of taking out the (human) garbage – and messed up so badly he got himself killed in the process.

ann-barnhardt-the-economy-is-going-to-implode2-300x169“Look, I’m just a chick with an animal husbandry degree, so I’m the last one who should be stepping up and criticizing the Almighty, but all the pussified men on this planet don’t have the balls to point out the obvious, so it’s up to me.  Besides, I’m really, really good at rhetoric.  I know this, because my fans told me.  Not the 99.5% of the idiots who email me and tell me I’m a psychotic Zionist lesbian Nazi, whatever that is.  I don’t listen to them.  I choose to believe the other 0.5% who tell me I’m St. Joan of Arc reincarnated and smarter than God.  Those people have killer judgment, tell me I’m smart and beautiful, and they’re soooo nice to me.  Not that I like nice.  I HATE nice.  But I like them.  And believe them completely.”

But that’s when things got really controversial…

814673082“Don’t get me wrong, I LOVE Jesus.  But most people don’t understand what love is.  Love is not stupid, and sometimes in the Gospels, we see Jesus being stupid over and over again.  Just look at the Samaritan woman at the well.  The most loving thing that Jesus could have done is come right out, directly and forcefully, and SAID SOMETHING CONCRETE.  He could have told that woman what a slut she was, and that she was going straight to hell, without any sugar-coating.  That would have brought her around, pronto.  That’s what I do.  I make points.  Clear, explicit points.  But did he do that?  No.  I read that whole 4th chapter in John THREE times and I still don’t know what he was trying to accomplish.  He starts by asking her to get him some water, and then asks her questions.  As if SHE’d have anything of value to add.  No, the best thing I can say about the Messiah is that he’s just not that bright.  Much like that idiot, Pope Francis.  What a doof.”

She continued.

hqdefault-1“I got more.  What’s with the parable crap?  I do public speaking for a living, and I always tell people not to speak in mindless platitudes or abject jibberish even though they may be hailed as geniuses for doing so.  Jesus demonstrates this failure mode perfectly.  It’s almost like he thinks he can see the hearts of the people he’s speaking to, and tries to adapt his approach to the state of their hearts in a way that will grip them without driving them off immediately.  Heh!  What a load of taurusfimus!  It’s no wonder it took this guy so long to get anywhere with those people.  You need to listen to me and NEVER make that mistake.  People need to be told the brutal truth in the harshest way possible, hopefully in a way that insults the marital status of their parents while questioning their sanity and/or IQ.  That’s how you love people.   Cast away the tyranny of nice.  You’re welcome.”

791dfd770e6e_sf_1In her essay, Miss Barnhardt went on to point out that Jesus clearly had a faulty upbringing and education, since he mostly spoke in the vernacular, which was Aramaic, instead of the clearly more beautiful and divine Latin.  In fact, since his words at the Last Supper were likely not in Latin, the whole sacramental aspect of the meal is in question, making it invalid as a foundation of the Holy Tridentine Mass.  She also cited some traditional scholars who believe that he further disrespected himself by not properly genuflecting on one knee after each consecration of the body and blood.  “He may have also failed to properly face the wall, not turning his back to his disciples during the crucial moments, but that’s just informed speculation, so I’ll give him SOME benefit of the doubt.  I’m not completely uncharitable.”

Pope FrancisBut despite her almost weekly expressed contempt for a man who drew over 3 million  faithful Christian youth to Rio de Janeiro this year, and her recent criticism of Almighty God, Ann remains one of the most beloved and respected figures of the conservative blogosphere.  Her principled stands and fearless defense of truth are legendary.  As BigFurHat of iOwnTheWorld.com recently pointed out: “Sure, some of our shocked regulars have recently taken to calling her the “c-word” after choking on her pushy advice, but as embattled conservatives, we really need to hang together and focus on fighting the Left as much as we can.  Besides, I’m afraid that if I criticize Ann, she might cut my nuts off with her Ka-Bar.  That, and I’m hoping she’s still considering my marriage proposal.  I think.”

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About GruntOfMonteCristo

Fearless and Devout Catholic Christian First, Loving Husband and Father Second, Pissed-Off Patriot Third, Rocket Engineer Dork Last.
This entry was posted in Blogospheria, General Religiousness. Bookmark the permalink.

56 Responses to Ann Barnhardt Goes Beyond Mere Odium Contra Papam; Now says even Jesus Christ, Son of God, “Basically Not That Bright”

  1. barnslayer says:

    Can we still consider her a conservative? Or has she crossed over into that realm a Paulbot 9-11 truther? It’s nice when you have someone agree with you on various issues. It’s disconcerting when you realize some of the people they have heated arguments with are in their mirror.

    • Huge gray area, Barn. Just like I’d rather the FedGov not start defining what constitutes a “journalist,” I’d rather not be in the bidness of strictly defining what a conservative is. Is she on “our side?” I think so. Does that make her immune from a little fun? No way. 😀

      • barnslayer says:

        I just don’t want any guilt by association. We got enough to deal with without having a looney waving our banner.

        • That’s always a concern. At least she’s upfront about where she stands. Some of the loonies are so stealthy and deceptive, it’s hard to know until you’re in deep. That reminds me, we have some other housekeeping topic to discuss about the blogroll. We should do a vote or something soon.

  2. zmalfoy says:

    *sigh* I had a guy on my er. . . “Team” mention admiration for her a little over a month ago, having come across some of her very fine and amazing YouTube lectures. At the time, I sighed and said “She’s got some good things to say, but she’s a little too enamoured of her own Wrath.”

    I hold by that statement. She has crossed into the wilderness of idolatory, shining and polishing her Wrath and Pride. It is . . . discomfiting that she just can’t find the humility to bow before the Holy Spirit and accept that maybe she doesn’t know everything there is to know about being a Catholic Christian, or everything about how God works, and that maybe she could learn something from the Pope —just as I had to do when Benedict XVI was chosen. I learned a lot from Papa Ben . . . just so, she must learn something from Papa Frank. According to Catholic teaching, either the Holy Spirit is in control of this thing, or Jesus is a liar. To hold otherwise is to deny the legitimacy of the Papacy.

    Smh. Lord knows I have my own struggles and persistent sins . . .but at least I can admit that I’m an ignorant wretch . . .

    • Sometimes I wish I could be as confident about anything as Ann is about everything.

    • You may be an ignorant wretch, Zoph (Who isn’t?), but I just sent you an email about how our oldest son was profoundly moved by your faith and testimony last year, and I didn’t find out about it until he recently used some of your words in religious arguments with other high school kids. So, whatever you’re doing, you’re doing it right. Well done. 🙂

      • zmalfoy says:

        Danged NSA stole the email, I think . .. either that, or it took the wrong turn at Albuquerque . . . lol ^_^

        That said. . . it was good to get this message from you today. I’d been a bit despairing, looking at the state of the world and my facebook feed. . . but reading that Eldest got something of use from me. . . well. . . It was the sort of encouragement I needed to punch my particular Discouragement Demons in the face Amy Pond style . . .

        • No kidding? You never got it? I’ll have to check that I’m using the right one, and then I’ll resend. But yes, it was about a couple weeks ago. I just wanted to let you know, because he’s been getting really frustrated with so many of his unbeliever friends who are openly hostile, and he was telling us about it over the dinner table, saying that it was something you said that inspired him to argue back. True story.

    • Shalini says:

      …but at least I can admit that I’m an ignorant wretch…

      Aren’t we all? 🙂

    • ZurichMike says:

      I love her economic lectures; she has a knack for explaining complicated things easily and quickly. I am a bit alarmed at her increasingly strident tone in all things Catholic, although I have known many converts to Catholicism (and other faiths) and generally they are more zealous is their defense of doctrine. Personally I am more and more drawn to Orthodox Christianity.

  3. I just realized, Barn, that you were sending Hickster over here because we were “less-harsh” and easy-going about religion than other sites. I guess I blew that, huh? Probably scared him off already.

  4. Shalini says:

    Sigh! It’s just sad now, you know. And amusing. But mostly sad.

  5. Shalini says:

    Heh! Apt verse of the day! 🙂

  6. A Tree and its Fruit
    (Matthew 12:33-37; Luke 6:43-45)

    15Beware of false prophets, which come to you in sheep’s clothing, but inwardly they are ravening wolves. 16Ye shall know them by their fruits. Do men gather grapes of thorns, or figs of thistles? 17Even so every good tree bringeth forth good fruit; but a corrupt tree bringeth forth evil fruit. 18A good tree cannot bring forth evil fruit, neither can a corrupt tree bring forth good fruit. 19Every tree that bringeth not forth good fruit is hewn down, and cast into the fire. 20Wherefore by their fruits ye shall know them.

    21Not every one that saith unto me, Lord, Lord, shall enter into the kingdom of heaven; but he that doeth the will of my Father which is in heaven. 22Many will say to me in that day, Lord, Lord, have we not prophesied in thy name? and in thy name have cast out devils? and in thy name done many wonderful works? 23And then will I profess unto them, I never knew you: depart from me, ye that work iniquity

  7. What A Hoot says:

    Blaphemous. And the bible says what about those that believed and then denied Christ? And this little thesis denies Him. Was this an attempt at satire or an unveiling of an adversary of Lord Jesus Christ the Almighty King of King, the Most Holy and Awesome God?

    • What A Hoot says:

      My comments posted out of order. Oops.

      • Whoa, there. This is just a parody of Ann’s comments about others, as indicated in the first line {Guntington Post [Parody]}. She has never made any disparaging remarks about Jesus or his Father – quite the opposite. She has never been anything but reverent toward the Almighty, giving Him glory. Neither would I ever do such a thing, except in parody.

        Most of my words are actually hers from her essays. Many of them were directed at Pope Francis in those essays. I am not even implying, in any way, that her criticism of a human leader is akin to criticizing God. Not at all. She’s absolutely right in her assertion that human leaders need to be criticized. My point is that her criticisms are poorly chosen, or ill-motivated. It seems to me that her criticisms effectively condemn Jesus’ methods and commands while they are used to attack those who appear to be following his example. When you take her words and simply substitute ‘Jesus’ for ‘Bishop X’ or ‘Pope Francis,’ it still works, but it appears even more ludicrous. She’s criticizing methods that, at their root, are commanded by Jesus. That is what I’m parodying, though her words seem to self-parody fairly easily.

        Today’s (random) verse at the top of the site is a good example.

        “Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen.” – Ephesians 4:29

        We are commanded to encourage and not to condemn those who are still trying to find their way. That is why the pope responded to the Italian atheist’s letter in the paper. The questions, though misguided, were still seeking truth, so they merited a gentle response. Ann disagreed. Perhaps she simply reads the Gospels differently than I do. She could be right about his words being inadequate, but she’s simply wrong about the firmness and orthodoxy of his beliefs and words, which she actively misrepresents at every turn.

        • What A Hoot says:

          Missed the parody part combined with use of quotes credited to Ann’s words and the fact that it sounded wack-a-doodle of Ann to be talking this way, I asked if it was satire and if not and Ann said the quoted words, it would be blasphemus. Also, the comments, for the most part validated this as a criticism of Ann’s outrageous words as posted (ex: “I hold by that statement. She has crossed into the wilderness of idolatory, shining and polishing her Wrath and Pride.” and no corrective, “Whoa there”.) So, I said “Blasphemous”.

          “The questions, though misguided, were still seeking truth, so they merited a gentle response.” Accurate statement which Scripture validates with, ” But set Christ apart as Lord in your hearts and always be ready to give an answer to anyone who asks about the hope you possess.”

          • Amen, and sorry about the confusion. I’m not really that good at this satire stuff. I just see other people do it, and it looks fun. 😀 So, please pardon the Gruntfoolery.

          • MRM says:

            I missed the parody assignation as well and was appalled until reading comments later. (still somewhat appalled at some of Dagny’s stuff, but good grief… this was definitely over the top)

  8. SARCASM OFF>
    “In a dramatically blunt interview…”
    http://www.newsmax.com/newswidget/EU-Vatican-Pope/2013/09/19/id/526650
    This man wants to make the Church more evangelical, as it is supposed to be, but make no change in moral teaching. What is wrong with that?

    • zmalfoy says:

      What’s wrong is that he fails to conform to their idea of who and what he should be, and how he goes about the business of being Pope. He is not changing Church teaching, nor do I foresee such a thing. . . but he is emphasizing the too-often lost context.

      That lost context is part of why it took me so long to come back to the Church– because when I would ask questions, in all sincerity and longing for Truth, for so long it was the Barnhardt’s of the world that I encountered, in all their vicious acidity. I still see it so much, especially on the internet where we can hide behind our screens and don the masks of the Knowing and the Righteous. It is so easy to assume bad faith on the part of those who question, of those who just want to understand. Stabbing humans with the Sword of Truth is murder, even if you feel virtuous about it. You’re still stabbing them. Stab actual demons, maybe use the flat of the blade on humans. . . have some sense, ppl. . .

      It’s why I had to study (no exaggeration, I swear) Jewish Mysticism and Ninja Philosophy before I finally started to understand some of it. Kabbalah and Shinodo, honestly. Now, I read the explanations, and I get what people are saying, but they still sometimes irritate me because I know that they only convince the already convinced. There is such a gap between the a priori assumptions that many people have, and that Church teaching has, that each side often makes no sense to the other– it’s literally like each side of so many issues exists in their own parallel universe. I know from experience that the whole Women and Ordination issue is just like that– everyone’s using English, but no one makes any sense to each other, because the arguments are based on such wildly different assumptions regarding God and Nature.

      This Pope seems to recognize that. The whole bit about figuring out a Theology of Women really speaks to the idea that there is a gap in understanding (sadly, unless you’ve fallen into that gap as I did, it’s almost impossible to see. Unless you actually listen to someone who has and don’t assume the worst of them. Which, sadly, negates about 70% of truly active Catholics, at least online. Yes, that statistic is made-up. I estimated).

      There is theological work yet incomplete (which, honestly, should be exciting for everyone. It means there is still wonder to be discovered!). Pope John Paul II started that work with his amazing Theology of the Body which is, in my belief, the unlocking of a vast realm of thought that is only just now beginning to be explored. And different perspective on the interrelationship between Creator and Created. I think it is something that St. Hildegard von Bingen and Julian of Norwich were trying to describe, but it’s taken a thousand years for the rest of us to catch up. . .

      [I should note, Benedict also had– and still has– important work as well, with a somewhat different focus. All three of my lifetime popes, JPII, Benedict, and Francis, they are of a set. Like a Jazz Trio. Or the complementary nature of the Thrones, Kerubim and Seraphim. It is a mistake to believe that they are doing anything other than singing the same song. . .]

      • Wow. Just wow.

        “Stabbing humans with the Sword of Truth is murder, even if you feel virtuous about it. You’re still stabbing them. Stab actual demons, maybe use the flat of the blade on humans. . . have some sense, ppl. . .”

        Can I use this? I love this expression!

        MRM has a similar story about her return to the Church. She was talking to a priest who seemed to be doing his best to pound her into despair, and she said bluntly: “Father, if you had been the first person I’d talked to when I decided to come back, I would have turned around and never come back. I’m glad it was somebody else who brought me in.” M, I hope this doesn’t misquote you or spill too much! Many apologies if so.

        • MRM says:

          close enough Grunt. and about 15 or so years prior, I attempted a return at another parish that didn’t happen due to another Priest and his self-righteousness. I shudder to think how these guys affect first time visitors with no context or history in the Catholic church.

        • zmalfoy says:

          Heh, if it’s useful, use it! Good knows I love swords, and feel a bit stabby now and then. . .

          I guess my fristration comes from Catholics operating under a seige mentality, who see everyone outside the walls as someone come to attack, and so they must defend at all costs. . . but some of us are refugees, trying to figure out if this is the right place or not. . . and when people get stabby with the Sword of Truth. . . well, it sure doesn’t look like th Sword of Truth to the person getting stabbed. . .

          MRM makes a good point below, that I agree to: “I probably wasn’t ready in my heart at the time of the earlier instance. I have wondered, however, if a better experience might have tipped the scales for me back then.” I have wondered that myself, how things might have gone if I’d had different experiences ten years earlier, before that decade in the wilderness. I dunno. I don’t know that I’d even want to change it. I think I like the perspective I come from, and I don’t regret my wanderings. I don’t think I’d understand half of what I understand now if things had been different. But it also means I’ll always feel at least a little out of phase with the mainline. . .

          • MRM says:

            thanks Z… I feel a little out of phase as well. I am torn between feeling all Cradle-Catholic and Lapsed/Returned Catholic. I’m different from a convert because I have the memories of an earlier era in the Catholic faith – which makes it both easier and harder – all at the same time. Or, perhaps I’m just over thinking it…… arggghhhhh……

            • I would like to make a comment here or interject some food for thought. We who lay claim to being called Catholics; What makes us Catholic? Our Faith and what we believe in? Our Church as an institution? Both? More importantly, How will we be judged before our maker? By our institution? By our Faith and what we believe in? Both? What do we lay claim to Or what do we follow? The Church as an institution or the Faith and what we have been taught to believe in? Both? Here is something to think about as we hash over the things the Pope may or may not have said: There have been a few times throughout Catholic history that there were Saints on both sides of opposing Popes. One was the actual Pope and the other was not? What does this tell us about the Holy Spirit? St. Paul was the one who said “are we not all of Christ? Yet we say I am of Apallos and another of John” How can this be? If we have the Spirit of God inside our hearts would we be able to see the good in another? Shouldn’t the Spirit recognize the Spirit? Food for thought!

    • Shalini says:

      Hmmm… My sister sent the same article, but from a different site, this morning and asked for my opinion. I know she’s been worried a bit about this new pope and his approach lately.

      • I certainly wouldn’t blame your sister for being concerned. I’ve seen plenty that concerned me, especially when it’s out of context. But when I’ve taken the trouble to track down his complete words, with context, I like what I hear. Just as an example, I saw this article from a different source that misrepresented his “house-of-cards” statement that turned it into complete heresy. But it wasn’t.

        What’s your father thinking of him lately, Shal? Is he still favorably impressed?

        • Shalini says:

          Yes. Her concern is more on the lines of wondering whether he’s a bit naive. Pope Francis is not fluent in English. I think all of these interviews are translated from other languages. She’s worried that he’s giving the media too much credit in trusting them to quote him correctly and in that process allowing his own words(words taken out of context) to alienate people from the Church. She thinks both his predecessors were more clear and firm.

          Let’s be honest here. It’s easy for any of us to read just the headline and have a knee-jerk reaction to his words. Of course, people like you and me Grunt would go read further because of our long held mistrust of the media. But not everyone is going to do that. That is a cause of concern. The thought of straying away from theology is a turn off to people who’ve been a part of the church just as much as harsh judgement is to be people who want to come back.

          I am pondering on what to write to my sister and praying God would guide me. What he’s saying is not the antithesis of what the church teaches, yes. The whole Christian faith is built upon love and truth, which is Christ Himself. Christ is love AND truth. In a rush to insist on one or the other, people often try to suppress the message of the other. There’s no love without truth. I don’t think people shouldn’t fear God because He’s all love and mercy. We often always think of what we want God to be to us. We fail to give Him what He wants from us. We should fear Him when we sin. But that fear shouldn’t be about His wrath but His disappointment, His Hurt. In saying let’s not judge, people need to realise saying you’re wrong is not necessarily the same as saying you’re bad. But there are times when the latter needs to said, as well, but there’s only one who’s truly worthy of doing that. The rest of us should probably take St. Michael’s route.

          I have many thoughts on the matter. Especially based on what our Lady has been saying in her many visions. Unfortunately, I haven’t found the time to discuss the Church and the new pope with dad in recent times. May be, I should do that.

          • zmalfoy says:

            Hm. I think your sister has valid concerns, but I don’t know if he (the Pope) can do anything about it. At least here in America, we have a media that willfully distorts known historical facts, willfully misquotes and misleads, all for their own “narrative.” This same media dislikes Christianity, and loathes Catholicism in particular. It doesn’t matter what Francis does or says, they will deliberately twist it to their own ends. As they did with Benedict 16. As they did ( and are still doing) with John Paul II. So much of what people here in America think about the Church they have learned from Hollywood and TV– which means they have learned what confirmed Communists and Socialists want them to learn. They have learned that the Church “hates gay people, hates women who’ve had abortions, that the Church forbids the use of ‘The Pill’ for any reason (Like other medical uses)”– all of which is very untrue. Benedict 16 had a wonderful focus on Reason and Doctrine– but this played right into the hands of those spreading these untruths. So, Francis is taking a different route.

            Also, your third paragraph– fantastic. Love it. Perfectly said!

            “In saying let’s not judge, people need to realise saying you’re wrong is not necessarily the same as saying you’re bad. But there are times when the latter needs to said, as well, but there’s only one who’s truly worthy of doing that. The rest of us should probably take St. Michael’s route.”

            Which, to remind people. . . he never used an abusive word, even when fighting Satan. He just said, “May God rebuke you” (I paraphrase, because I can’t find the exact verse. *sigh* typical Catholic. . . lol)

            • Exactly! This is a huge lesson, and one that I think Ann has somehow missed. You don’t allow the wrath – the rebuke – to be yours. It was never yours to own. If you are rebuking someone, and you find yourself becoming more than just an instrument of God – enjoying it a little too much, separated from Him – then you’ve been lured away by the Enemy into being just a destroyer. Like St. Michael, our focus is always on being God’s hands, leaving Him the judgment. This is really hard, because the temptation is huge. That’s why we need Christian fellowship so much. GFC knows this. That’s why he is always there to put his hand on my shoulder and caution me about pride. We all need this, ESPECIALLY if we are resolved to be warriors for Christ.

              • Shalini says:

                So true!! That’s why I am glad that both my sisters (one emailed me this morning and the other called this evening!!) chose to ask me what I thought of it before rushing to judgement. Christian fellowship is so essential!! Individually it’s so easy for us to fall prey to our own spiritual pride, confusions and fear.

                Of course, that they chose to ask to me put a burden of responsibility on me and I am came here to find clarity. You guys are such a blessing.

            • Shalini says:

              Jude 1:9. I know because… St. Michael!!!! Duh! 😀

            • MRM says:

              Thank you for your insights. it’s so helpful to read your comments on the Pope’s statements as well as the warnings about the press regarding same…

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