Government Shuts Down, Nation Descends into Riots, Looting and Cannibalism

Awesome spoof posted by Daniel Greenfield @ the Sultan Knish blog.

_end-of-the-world_2433119b The United States of America (1787-2013) came to a swift and sudden end last night as the government shut down. The nation which had survived Pearl Harbor, the War of 1812 and Jimmy Carter ceased to exist.

The savage population, which had only been kept in line through a policy of rigorous gun confiscations, food stamps and Green Energy programs unleashed its pent up rage in a spree of riots, looting and mass murder that had only previously been encountered in Somalia.

Apocalypse-Steve-McGhee-2“The government shut down! We can do anything we like,” shouted Sam Hasbley of Grassley, Iowa, while tearing the tag off a mattress despite an explicit warning label forbidding such a dangerous course of action. “Tear yours off. The government is shut down. It can’t stop you.”

Eyewitnesses spoke of further horrors. On a quiet street in suburban Massachusetts, a man brought out a set of highly illegal lawn darts. In Maryland, there were allegations that an entire family had begun digging ditches to collect rainwater runoff.

6_yr_old_marquessa_takes_out_bin_ladenWith the fall of the government, citizen activists took it upon themselves to chronicle the culture of lawlessness. Men played Gibson guitars made of wood imported from India, but not finished by Indian workers. Women bought cold medicine without a photo ID. Children went hours without hearing lectures about the environment.

The victims were many. In Chuckolod County, Colorado, a transgender person was denied access to the Ladies Room. Frantic calls to the Justice Department were forwarded to an answering service in Depar, India, instead of Doneparre City, Indiana. In Brooklyn, New York, an overweight Senegalese woman was unable to obtain a sign language interpreter while waiting on line to collect her free Obamaphone. In Olegon Falls, Florida, the National Museum of Native American Yarn was forced to shut down depriving schoolchildren of an educational experience and three hours throwing bits of yarn at each other.

zombie-apocalypse-survival-classAnd there was worse to come.

The entire city of Detroit was seized by the Michigan Militia backed by Canadian air power. The village of Frankfurt, Illinois passed several ordinances in explicit violation of Title MXVIII of the Federal Charter of Approved Fruit Naming Ordinances. North Dakota seceded and declared that it was now the nation of Bismarckia, elected a Kaiser and petitioned to join OPEC.

imagesAn army of Mongols or possibly local residents dressed in Samurai helmets raided the Federal Dried Peach Reserve in Georgia hauling away thousands of tons of dried fruit and tossed them to waiting crowds. The end of food stamps in Martho, New Jersey led to an outbreak of cannibalism despite efforts by ACORN volunteers to bring order to the proceedings by soliciting volunteers to give up their privilege and be fed to the people.

In Massey Hills, Virginia, a gang of politically incorrect sports mascots entered a workplace and implicitly hurt the feelings of several minorities. Their calls to the Justice Department were forwarded to Eric Holder’s private voicemail along with frequent messages from his coke dealer demanding to be paid, like right now, and requests for weapons manuals from several Mexican cartel bosses.

Continue reading at the Sultan Knish blog

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About GruntOfMonteCristo

Fearless and Devout Catholic Christian First, Loving Husband and Father Second, Pissed-Off Patriot Third, Rocket Engineer Dork Last.
This entry was posted in Country, Obamanana Republic, Politics. Bookmark the permalink.

7 Responses to Government Shuts Down, Nation Descends into Riots, Looting and Cannibalism

  1. Well written! Interesting: Covering the manifold aspects of Government Shutdown in U.S.A.

  2. Allen West is Awesomeness, as usual: From Chrissy.
    http://polination.wordpress.com/2013/09/30/10736-likes-in-48-minutes/
    “In Washington DC there are three things that must be balanced: politics, policy, and procedure. We just witnessed the despicable failure of American stewardship by Harry Reid and the Senate liberal progressives in killing the House legislation that leveled the playing field for hardworking middle income American families. Instead, led by the egomaniacal, arrogant Barack Obama, Democrats have proven themselves hypocritical elitists who seek to abuse the American people in the political game of “blame checkers” to attain power. I think if Assad, Putin, or Rouhani were House Speaker there would have been more communication. The House GOP is focused on good policy, as Obamacare is an abysmal partisan piece of garbage. The House GOP should now follow regular order procedure and pass prioritized federal government spending bills. America, let us promise to never again elect as President any charismatic, community organizing liars who play lots of golf.”

  3. Know what Rand Paul does in his spare time, instead of playing golf? Fixes people’s eyes when they can’t pay for it. Caught this over on iotw.
    http://nationalreview.com/article/356713/doctor-rand-katrina-trinko

  4. The MAD Jewess says:

    May be spoof now, but I believe it will come–eventually.

    • Oh, no doubt you’re right. To me, the really funny part is the showcasing of the nightmares that already HAVE come true: “Their calls to the Justice Department were forwarded to Eric Holder’s private voicemail along with frequent messages from his coke dealer demanding to be paid, like right now, and requests for weapons manuals from several Mexican cartel bosses.”

      C’mon on, does anybody believe that there’s not some serious reality reflected in this snark?

      Thanks, MJ!

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