Amber Alert Issued for Missing US Foreign Policy

This excellent Duffel Blog piece is a few months old, but it hasn’t yet lost its timeliness, unfortunately.

Barack_Obama_Hamid_Karzai__Asif_Ali_Zardari_in_trilateral_meeting_5-6-09_3WASHINGTON, D.C. — Washington-area police have issued an Amber Alert and are seeking the public’s help in locating a missing 238-year old foreign policy for the United States.

The foreign policy was described as wholly consistent with our national security interests, while also balancing the needs for human rights, labor, business and the environment. It answers to the Obama Doctrine, the Bush Doctrine, the Clinton Doctrine, the Powell Doctrine, the Weinberger Doctrine, and the Domino Theory.

When last seen it was speaking softly and carrying a big stick.

Police are looking for a suspect, described by witnesses as a well-dressed middle-aged bald man who spoke with a Russian accent. The man was seen getting into a stretch limousine in downtown Washington with the foreign policy early on Monday.

Some law enforcement officials were confused on how to proceed.

“We can’t get it back because we don’t negotiate with kidnappers and terrorists,” said FBI Director James Comey, before correcting himself. “Wait, maybe we do … or do we? Dammit!  We need it back right now!”

Read more at the Duffel Blog.


About GruntOfMonteCristo

Fearless and Devout Catholic Christian First, Loving Husband and Father Second, Pissed-Off Patriot Third, Rocket Engineer Dork Last.
This entry was posted in Country, Defense, Humor, Obamanana Republic, Politics. Bookmark the permalink.

2 Responses to Amber Alert Issued for Missing US Foreign Policy

  1. This is supposed to be a parody, but it’s a little too real to be funny! 😯

    Captain Being Photographed Unaware It’ll Be On Cover Of Navy Times When He’s Fired Next Month

    NORFOLK, VA — A U.S. Navy captain sitting down for his official photograph to be used on the command wall of the USS San Antonio (LPD-17) as well as his online biography is unaware it will also be used in hundreds of news stories when he’s fired for misconduct in the next couple of months, sources confirmed today. …

    According to Navy investigators speaking on condition of anonymity, Seka will likely be relieved of command after possibly deciding to shoot a sexually explicit motivational video for his crew, being caught in a bribery scandal, or maybe even failing a physical fitness test.

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