Don’t know much about climate change

Global warming, my tailfeathers.

Exactly how does global warming cause such frigid weather? The People’s Cube explains:

In cold years like these, climate change deniers always ask a trick question, “How come global warming can cause both heating and cooling?” The answer is actually quite simple.

We all know that sometimes it’s hot as Hell*, and sometimes it’s cold as Hell. Clearly, Hell can make it hotter or colder. The science is settled on the fact that global warming will be Hell on Earth, and since Hell can make it hotter or colder, global warming can, therefore, also make it hotter or colder.

Let’s go one step further. Things can also be boring as Hell, as in “nothing’s happening, it’s the same old same-old.” Thus, Hell can also mean that things don’t change. If you’ve followed the reasoning so far, you can clearly see that if it gets hotter, colder, or temperatures are flat, it’s due to global warming. Just as predicted.

Granted, the realization that warming can cause cooling takes a little imagination, and this is exactly what the deniers lack, or they wouldn’t deny imaginary science. Any way you cut it, warming is a catastrophe. Imagine every day of the year two degrees hotter. Tomorrow it will be 22 degrees instead of today’s 20. A day six months from now it will go from 90 to 92 degrees. Can you imagine the carnage? Not if you’re a denier.

We’re talking about a return to the Medieval warm period. We certainly know what that entails. Viking raids will start up all over again. The polar bear will become extinct a second time. All peer-reviewed literature will be written in Latin. There’ll be no Obamacare and everybody’s four humors will get totally out of whack without the government managing our bodily functions. And that’s just the tip of the iceberg – except there’ll be no icebergs!

All because of CO2. You know what produces a lot of CO2? Climate change deniers, who just can’t stop breathing in and out. We must put an end to that.

*We capitalize Hell because it’s the name of a place. You know, like Washington, D.C. or Detroit.

(Thanks to my pal Teresa in Forth Worth for the photograph of the mourning dove.)

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10 Responses to Don’t know much about climate change

  1. Recent data from NOAA and NASA confirms: Global temps stagnant since 1997. Scientists getting nervous.

      • Actually not contradictory. The chart here only shows the last 16 years, which are much more accurate due to improvements in measurement locations and technology. During that time there’s been NO warming. The older data, as shown in the NASA animation, DO show warming over the last 60 years, but the data is suspect.

        From what I understand, numerous data sets like this that show warming during the last 60 years have been heavily criticized as flawed because the vast majority of the measurement stations are in urban or suburban areas that have artificially been rising about – you guessed it – 4 degrees over that time due to concrete spread. They know the data is no good, but they show it anyway. There are famous stories about hundreds of the data stations being located on hot metal roofs and other bad sites that show huge spikes in temp when glass buildings go up next door or paving increases nearby or trees get cut down. They don’t compensate for the human (artificial) effects, because they figure everything will average out, but since all the sensors are in urbanizing areas, the averages ALWAYS go up.

        That effect is still happening, so perhaps the fact that 16 years of data show no warming actually means that the real temps are cooling globally.

  2. Hilarious, Bob. Thanks for sharing the post!

  3. Harvey says:

    A comment from Teresa in Fort Worth introduced me to Ace of Spades way back. Glad to see she is still around on the internet and even has a blog.

  4. texan59 says:

    The real reason for glo-bull warming.

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