Sochi Already a Huge Comedy Success

The truth is, many journos have reported that things are going very well in Sochi, and their hotels are very nice, and the water is clear, and the venues are spectacular.  But that hasn’t kept a few exceptions from getting all the attention.

For one thing, the double toilets are real.ku-xlarge
But this is really an embarrassing misunderstanding. Anybody who knows anything about life in Russia would understand that you’re never meant to use both toilets at the same time. *headslap* Idiot Americans. No more than 2 days into the games, at least one of the toilets will be broken, maybe both. The point is, you need to use the least broken one. Geesh. This is a total luxury in Russia, and nobody gets it!

David Burge hasn’t been suffering from comic block:Burge1

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About GruntOfMonteCristo

Fearless and Devout Catholic Christian First, Loving Husband and Father Second, Pissed-Off Patriot Third, Rocket Engineer Dork Last.
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7 Responses to Sochi Already a Huge Comedy Success

  1. I love toilet humor. Is one of those suckers a baday?

  2. barnslayer says:

    Some guy on sports radio said some bathrooms have seats for those waiting to use the toilet. The seats face whoever is on the pot… and again, no doors. I wonder if they get to hold up score cards too?

  3. World News Bureau report from Sochi. (Parody)

    SOCHI. Russia – (World News Bureau) Scooter Van Neuter reporting from the 2014 Winter Olympics.

    I am pleased to be reporting live from Sochi, Russia for the duration of the Winter Olympics.

    Day One

    The trip to Sochi consisted of five flights spanning just over 48 hours. The final leg was an exciting three hour test of endurance aboard a fixed wing version of a 1950s Tijuana public bus that reeked of urine, BO, and cigarettes. Fortunately, while taking off, someone puked in the row in front of me, significantly improving the atmosphere in the cabin.

    I finally arrived at Sochi, a city of 300,000 located on the Black Sea coast. After claiming what remained of my luggage, I traveled by death trap to my “media” hotel – the rustic Maly Akhun.

    Upon checking in, it was obvious the hotel had been named for either a local venereal disease, or possibly the Russian scientist who discovered black mold. The building’s classic mid-50s insane asylum architecture compared favorably with the surrounding neighborhood, a rundown concrete slum occupied by stray dogs and fat female prison guards – it reminded me of Detroit in its better days.

    I had paid extra for a suite and boy, am I glad I did! I can only assume a standard room features fresh versus dried semen and blood, and a filthy toilet next to your face instead of your feet while in bed. As for the bed, it appeared to have been an autopsy table originally, now masquerading as a body fluid-splattered bed bug and cockroach condominium. I’ve decided to sleep standing up in my suitcase.

    Thankfully, the wireless internet actually works, and the single cold water spigot next to the bed has a handy large bucket that will suffice for sponge baths and emergency toilet, if they can’t get the real one unclogged. Also, a bottle of vodka only costs the equivalent of 18 cents U.S. and I can get all the dog meat sandwiches I want in the hotel restaurant, so at least I won’t starve. This just might work.

    I’m off to get some vodka and play with the dogs. More later.

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