Sochi News: Russia Issues Terror Alert for ‘Moose’ and ‘Squirrel’

From the Duffel Blog: America’s Most-Trusted News Source.

SOCHI, RUSSIAN FEDERATION – Just hours before the opening ceremony for the Sochi Winter Olympics, Russia has put out an alert for two potential terror suspects, referred to by security officials as “moose” and “squirrel.”

An outpouring of fear swept the tiny coastal town on the Black Sea as details emerged of the possible terrorist attack by the unlikely combination of two Americans, identified as Mr. Bullwinkle J. Moose and Rocket J. Squirrel. The two suspects are reportedly from Frostbite Falls, Minnesota, which Russian officials believe may indicate a connection to Canadian separatists.

A friend of the two, historical expert nonpareille Mr. Peabody, said that any terrorist connection was preposterous and “indubitably unprovable.” An e-mail from Mr. Squirrel’s attorney merely said, “Hokey Smoke!”

“We thinking this is classic lone-wolf, err– lone-moose type suicide bomber, world’s greatest no-goodnik,” said Boris Badenov, a Russian expert on security and espionage who announced heightened security measures to catch the pair. He was joined by Colonel Natasha Fatale of the FSB.

“Security is going so well darling,” Ms. Fatale told reporters, before adding, “until we get word of confounded moose and squirrel!”

News of this development has only aggravated tensions ahead of the Games, as Russian security forces are already under intense scrutiny for failing to catch a pair of Chechen terrorists who planted a cartoonishly-large bomb with a long white wick at a train station in Volgograd. Local guards were allegedly lured away by a steaming bowl of borscht left at a strategic distance.

Read the rest at the Duffel Blog.


About GruntOfMonteCristo

Fearless and Devout Catholic Christian First, Loving Husband and Father Second, Pissed-Off Patriot Third, Rocket Engineer Dork Last.
This entry was posted in Humor. Bookmark the permalink.

3 Responses to Sochi News: Russia Issues Terror Alert for ‘Moose’ and ‘Squirrel’

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )


Connecting to %s