- Psalm 94:18-19“If I say, “My foot slips,” Your mercy, O LORD, will hold me up. In the multitude of my anxieties within me, Your comforts delight my soul.”
- Psalm 94:18-19
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Southern night sky in East Java, including erupting Mount Semeru and the caldera of Mount Bromo in the foreground. The glowing trails are from the headlights of cars on a highway. Photography by HuiChieh as seen on BlazingCatFur.
FORT INDIANTOWN GAP [Duffel Blog - Parody] – The Pennsylvania Army National Guard placed Fort Indiantown Gap on lockdown today, after Private Patrick O’Neil reported “ebola-like symptoms” to his unit medic.
“Yeah, my head is killing me, and I want to throw up,” O’Neil told reporters through his plastic isolation bubble. “I’m definitely pretty sure this is Ebola.”
O’Neil says he believes he contracted the disease after riding on a C-130 that had recently returned to the United States from transporting soldiers to AFRICOM, the military’s “Africa Command.”
“There was some stuff on the canvas next to me that was almost probably blood, or maybe mucus, or something like that,” O’Neil said. “So, yeah, this has gotta be Ebola.”
Dr. David Schurmer, commander of the base infirmary, rolled his eyes when questioned about Ebola by reporters.
“[Blepus H. Bleep] on a drum stick!” Schurmer began. “That limp-[bleeped] little private just cost me half of this fiscal year’s budget. Army protocol right now says if Ebola is suspected, even remotely, we are supposed to implement biohazard level 4 procedures, and shut the whole [bleeping] place down.”
“But that stupid little [bleep] doesn’t have Ebola. His friends say he was out drinking all night. He has a headache because he’s dehydrated, and he wants to throw up because he drank a bottle of Jagermeister,” the doctor added.
O’Neil remains unconvinced.
“Yeah, that’s what the doctor told me,” O’Neil said. “But that doesn’t explain the blood or whatever from Africa on the plane.”
“AFRICOM is in Germany!” Schurmer told reporters, as he snapped a femur on the skeleton displayed in his office. “And the plane came back–from Germany!–six weeks ago!”
Read more at the Duffel Blog. Excerpts above bowdlerized by Grunt.
I guess it depends on whether you count that it wasn’t really written by him, as it says (it actually sounds more like Marie Harf wrote it), and whether his real name is Obama and whether he’s legitimately President, but I digress…
This might be a good time to recall another Obama quote about ISIL:
“The analogy we use around here, and I think this is accurate, is if a jayvee team puts on Lakers uniforms, that doesn’t make them Kobe Bryant.” – President Obama
This Just In: U.S. Intelligence Confirms James Foley Beheading Video Legit; Australia Outraged; President Obama Says He Has a Conscience
President Obama’s statement a few minutes ago, after stating that the event “shocks the conscience” via Fox News:
“The United States of America will continue to do what we must do to protect our people,” Obama said, speaking from Martha’s Vineyard. “We will be vigilant and we will be relentless.” Right after this next round of golf.*
*Last part added by the Gruntington Post for clarification.
In other news, much, much earlier, the Daily Telegraph quoted Australian Prime Minister Tony Abbott with this statement about the execution in Iraq:
“It’s absolutely sickening, absolutely despicable and it’s a sign that there can be no compromise whatsoever with the murderous terrorists of the ISIL movement. This is evil, this is as near pure evil as we are ever likely to see.”