The other day I was enjoying Bob’s post about how Google refuses to search for Chuck Norris (Chuck Norris searches for you), and I noticed two things. Firstly, Google actually does search for Chuck Norris news, and secondly, Chuck has fans overseas. The following jokes are from an article in The Hindu entitled Sir Chuck Jadeja Norris, written just a few days ago by Anantha Narayan. It’s a fun article, and many of these jokes were completely new to me. Enjoy!
Chuck Norris can strangle you with a cordless phone.
Chuck Norris can hit you so hard, your blood will bleed.
He doesn’t shower, he only takes blood baths.
He can make a happy meal cry.
Once a cobra bit his leg. After five days of excruciating pain, the cobra died.
Chuck Norris can speak Braille.
Chuck Norris can delete the recycle bin.
Chuck Norris’ blood type is AK-47.
He can make the onions cry.
He can play the violin with a piano.
He can kill two stones with one bird.
Chuck Norris runs on his treadmill until the treadmill gets tired.
Chuck Norris beat the sun in a staring contest.
He once climbed Mt. Everest in 15 minutes, 14 of which was spent on building a snowman at the bottom.
Chuck Norris grinds his coffee with his teeth and boils the water with his own rage.
Superman wears the Chuck Norris suit.
Chuck Norris is the only person that can punch a Cyclops between the eye.
Chuck Norris doesn’t recognise the periodic table, because the only element he recognises is the element of surprise.
Oxygen requires Chuck Norris to live.
Chuck Norris doesn’t flush the toilet. He scares the s**t out of it.
The only reason Thor is the god of lightning is because Chuck Norris stole his thunder.
His daughter lost her virginity, he got it back.
Chuck can inject some fun even into a funeral.