Chuck Norris Jokes from India

SM_Chuck_Norris_jp_1432245eThe other day I was enjoying Bob’s post about how Google refuses to search for Chuck Norris (Chuck Norris searches for you), and I noticed two things.  Firstly, Google actually does search for Chuck Norris news, and secondly, Chuck has fans overseas.  The following jokes are from an article in The Hindu entitled Sir Chuck Jadeja Norris, written just a few days ago by Anantha Narayan.  It’s a fun article, and many of these jokes were completely new to me.  Enjoy!

Chuck Norris can strangle you with a cordless phone.

Chuck Norris can hit you so hard, your blood will bleed.

He doesn’t shower, he only takes blood baths.

He can make a happy meal cry.

Once a cobra bit his leg. After five days of excruciating pain, the cobra died.

Chuck Norris can speak Braille.

Chuck Norris can delete the recycle bin.

Chuck Norris’ blood type is AK-47.

He can make the onions cry.

He can play the violin with a piano.

He can kill two stones with one bird.

Chuck Norris runs on his treadmill until the treadmill gets tired.

Chuck Norris beat the sun in a staring contest.

He once climbed Mt. Everest in 15 minutes, 14 of which was spent on building a snowman at the bottom.

Chuck Norris grinds his coffee with his teeth and boils the water with his own rage.

Superman wears the Chuck Norris suit.

Chuck Norris is the only person that can punch a Cyclops between the eye.

Chuck Norris doesn’t recognise the periodic table, because the only element he recognises is the element of surprise.

Oxygen requires Chuck Norris to live.

Chuck Norris doesn’t flush the toilet. He scares the s**t out of it.

The only reason Thor is the god of lightning is because Chuck Norris stole his thunder.

His daughter lost her virginity, he got it back.

Chuck can inject some fun even into a funeral.


About GruntOfMonteCristo

Fearless and Devout Catholic Christian First, Loving Husband and Father Second, Pissed-Off Patriot Third, Rocket Engineer Dork Last.
This entry was posted in Blogospheria, Freedom, Humor. Bookmark the permalink.

23 Responses to Chuck Norris Jokes from India

  1. And speaking of India, keep in mind that our own dear Shalini is getting married sometime over the next 2 weeks, in a glorious ceremony that may, or may not, include an elephant. By some cosmic coincidence, Grunt’s and Gruntessa’s eldest daughter is also getting married sometime over the next 2 weeks. As it turns out, the weddings are only one day apart. So wish us all luck and happiness and prayers for all involved, including, possibly, the elephant! 🙂

  2. MRM says:

    Congratulations and all my best wishes to both of the happy couples! May they enjoy long and happy marriages in a world that is at peace.

  3. Coyote says:

    What. Did. I. Miss. Here?

    • Coyote says:

      Chuck Norris > Weddings> Elephants

      I must be going senile already. I’m friggin’ confused.

      • Coyote says:

        Oh! I get it! Every last one of you has gone Saul Alinski communist crazy on me. That’s it. I promise. I will Chuck Norris you ALL for a decade for this massive mental skull F$&#^!

        • Coyote says:

          Every last one of you has gone completely Rachel Madcow Disease on me.

          Get ready for it.


          • Better get used to it, Coyote. We ARE all a little crazy, but not the Rachel Madcow kind (hopefully!). Shalini lives in India (hence the tie-in to this post), and there be elephants there. I have been teasing her about having one at her wedding, since I guess that happens sometimes. And why not? I’ve been at some weddings where there was enough drinking going on that people were seeing elephants, so why not have some real ones. 😉

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